Griff Simmons' Attack on Christmas
by StopJustStop
Summary: Christmas-themed oneshot! A follow-up to my previous story, Dangerous Peaks. After defeating Team SSX for the second time, Team SBK is called upon by Santa Claus to help save Christmas. But Griff wants revenge after being defeated by SSX, and he wants to take it out on them! Will SBK be able to survive Griff's antics? Lots of action.


[Author's note (a pretty long one!): Hi everyone! I'm making a nice Christmas-themed oneshot to celebrate the holidays. I'm going to return back to my Dangerous Peaks storyline for this one. I've also referenced it multiple times in some of my other fanfics. The reason why I keep going back to it is because it's one of my favorite works of mine, as both the SSX series and the first Snowboard Kids were games that I had played extensively in my youth, plus I loved the SSX 2012 reboot quite a bit, and it seemed like doing a crossover fanfic of two snowboarding games would work very well, and it did! So that's why I go back to this storyline often.

And just like the last story, this one is based off of the events from the 2012 reboot of SSX, crossed over with the Nintendo 64 Snowboard Kids games (i.e. anything established in the abysmal DS reboot has nothing to do with this story) set in the future where the characters are 24 years old instead of 10, which correlates with the aging up of the SSX 2012 characters compared to SSX 3, as I have found out using game release dates and math. Now hold on tight, because this is going to be a wild ride! Enjoy!]

**Griff Simmons' Attack on Christmas**

It was Christmas Eve. The night was late, and pretty much everyone was asleep, including the members of the venerable Team SBK, the snowboarding team which defeated the seemingly unstoppable Team SSX twice at an unexplored mountain, which people now know as the Dangerous Peaks, after the incident which had struck many key members of Team SSX during the first match, rendering them unable to snowboard for the better part of a year.

When the snowboard masters lay down in their beds, they know about the tradition that the team has, that they each buy a Christmas present for one of the team members after drawing names out of a hat. None of them wouldn't get Christmas presents normally since they all live alone, so this was a great way to get the Christmas spirits up. The presents from their friends, combined with the festive enjoyment in the air, gave them much more enjoyment than a regular Christmas, knowing that they're spending time with people whose bonds were forged through almost 20 years worth of companionship, rather than judgmental immediate family members who smelled bad and went on fascist tirades during dinner. But then, as they were continuing in their slumber, the sound of a phone ringtone had emitted in all of their houses at the same time, trying desperately to alert them.

_ring, ring_

_ring, ring, ring_

_ring, ring, ring, ring_

One of the snowboarders woke up, rubbing their eyes in tire.

"...who the fuck is this?" asked the snowboarder, still half-asleep.

"Oh god, I'm so glad one of you answered. You're Jam, right? Please believe me. I have no hope left."

"...what are you talking about?" asked Jam curiously.

The man on the other line's voice had cracked slightly, and Jam could tell he was distraught about something.

"I'm Santa Claus."

"Wait, what?"

"I'm Santa Claus god dammit! My sleigh was vandalized, chopped to bits, blown up, and atomized! There's no way I can get it repaired in time to fulfill my Christmas duties! You have to help me. I'm begging you." Santa sobbed while saying this.

"But we're snowboarders."

"That's why I called you here! You can deliver my gifts via snowboard!"

"But there's no way we can deliver everything when Christmas day comes!"

"I know! That's why I called you at this hour, so you have enough time to fly over to the North Pole and let me modify your snowboards into infinite-fuel rocket-powered snowboards, allowing you to deliver gifts faster in time for the children to wake on Christmas day!"

"Oh, okay." said Jam, now re-assured. "I'll wait for my friends to wake up and everything will get sorted out." Then he ended the call.

Then he got another call. It was Nancy.

"Yes, Nancy?"

"Did Santa Claus call you too?"

"Yes. His sleigh is broken and he wants us to go to the North Pole so he can give us rocket-powered snowboards that we can use to deliver the gifts in time."

"Oh, okay. Let's just wait for everyone to wake, and we can discuss our plans."

Pretty soon, everyone woke up. They didn't need to get dressed because they all slept in their clothes due to laziness and Punk Rock. So they just put on their boots and jackets and met up in a park outside, It was a nice park, with many lights illuminating it in the dark sky.

"Santa Claus?" asked Jam and Nancy.

"Yeah, Santa Claus." answered the rest.

"So how do we get to the North Pole?" asked Wendy. "Our helicopter pilot is asleep."

"I'm a trained helicopter pilot as well, remember?" said Jam.

"Oh yeah, that's right." said Wendy. "Well, let's go to the North Pole! Santa Claus needs our help!"

"Yeah!" cheered everyone in unison. But little did they know, there was someone looking at them behind the bushes.

"Heh..." chuckled the man as he looked at the oblivious SBK. "I may have lost to Team SSX, but my skills have improved. What would be a better way to assert my dominance over the weak SSX, by taking down the very team they had lost to?" he giggled menacingly. "I can't believe that I, Griff Simmons, had lost to the team that lost to these people! Team SBK, pah! And they're working for Santa tonight... Looks like Christmas is getting cancelled." Griff stood up from out of the bushes. His jacket and hat had multiple Nazi swastikas and the number 88 stitched onto them. "And if I succeed, I'll kill them and chop them up and send their remains to all of the kids on Christmas! Mwahahahahahaha!" said Griff maniacally.

"Alright, let's get to the helicopter." said the team as they went to the helicopter. They got to the helicopter.

"And we're off!" exclaimed Jam as he took the helicopter off to the stars.

Griff was right behind them, still watching intently. "Hah! Little do they know I have some air travel of my own!" and he got into his trusty hovercar with Nazi paraphernalia on it, which had then ascended until the entire park, in Griff's eyes, was a small speck. He was right behind SBK's helicopter. Griff floated behind them, making sure to take note of where they were going.

It was a long trek, filled with numerous aerial perils, but both SBK and Griff had gotten to the North Pole safely.

SBK had exited their helicopter and found what they had assumed to be the house of Santa Claus. Slash knocked on the door. A man opened it.

"Oh I can't believe it, you made it here!"

"Santa Claus!?" cried everyone at the same time.

"Yes, it's Santa, in the flesh."

"But where are your elves?" asked Tommy.

"They don't exist. That's just folklore."

"What about the reindeer?"

"Also folklore."

"And you're not white!"

"You can thank the Coca-Cola corporation for advertising me as white."

"Ah, okay." said Tommy.

"Now hand me your snowboards and I'll put rockets on them." proclaimed Santa. They reached into the back of the helicopter and got out their snowboards. "Ho ho ho! Those are some mighty fine snowboards you got there!" said Santa with surprise and happiness. SBK smiled at each other in contentment. After a few minutes in the shed, Santa came out with snowboard that had nice, shiny rockets bolted onto them. "They're waterproof, and they're painted with a nice chrome finish." said Santa Claus as he returned the snowboarders their boards.

"With these babies, you can deliver to the whole country in no time!" said Santa. He gave all of them present-filled sacks which had backpack-style harnesses on them. "Alright, here are the presents, There's much more where that came from, so you'll have to do multiple runs to gift everyone on the list. Here's a map for the first run. When you go by a house, the household's respective presents will have magic teleporting powers that take it out of the sack and under the tree immediately. And here are some Santa hats you can wear on the way." Santa gave the group Santa hats, which every SBK member had put on as a show of solidarity. "And here's an invisibility button, which turns you all invisible so that you won't be seen by people who are still awake."

"Don't worry Santa." said Nancy. "You can count on us."

"Alright." replied Santa. "Now go on and deliver those presents!"

SBK had turned on their rockets and boosted off into the night.

Santa went back into his cabin, hoping dearly that they would be able to make their first run in time.

"Heheheh..." Griff chuckled. "Now with that old bastard in his cabin, and the SBK off to deliver presents, I can steal a rocket from that shed over there..." Griff went to the shed and got a rocket along with some power tools. With a bit of strong elbow grease, Griff got the rocket onto his awaiting snowboard. "And now... SBK will DIE! Mwahahahahahahahaha!" Griff laughed devilishly. "Alright, now let's go after them." Griff said to himself.

As Griff was just boosting off, SBK used their rocket-powered snowboards to snowboard on water.

"Wow, these really are fast!" exclaimed Wendy. "We'll deliver these presents in no time, and capitalism shall lose to Santa Claus once again on this fine Christmas Eve!" As she'd finished saying this, a gigantic wave was threatening to ruin the team's important journey. But using their rocket powered snowboards, they used the big wave as a ramp to launch off into the skies. Sure, the wave had still soaked them quite thoroughly with its water, but they were also soaked with pure determination, dripping with the knowledge that they were the Chosen Ones. And their rocket-powered snowboards were in the air, almost 600ft up high. As they had descended, the sea was ending, and they were on solid ground once again. But Griff was behind them. He was waiting to surprise them with his Nazi powers.

Team SBK was about to come to the first house, in a small village in the middle of nowhere. They got to the house, and the presents made a *poof* out of the bag and under their tree. Tommy could feel the weight on his back getting lighter. Much lighter. "I'm guessing someone got a Playstation 4." said Tommy to himself. "Actually, it felt much bigger, bulkier, and heavier than that, despite having worse specs. It was probably an Xbox One."

Griff was catching up to them, determined to the core. He had a lesson to teach. A lesson of death. So he took out a submachine gun and thrust a magazine into it. "It's killing time." he said as he aimed the gun at Slash's head. Sadly, rocket-powered snowboards aren't very good for aiming guns, so the bullets whizzed right past Slash, and lodged themselves into a bystanding baby rabbit, the speed of which had made the rabbit explode right in front of its mother's tearful eyes. This had, of course, alerted everyone at Team SBK to the presence of an assailant.

Tommy looked behind him. He gasped.

"Guys, it's Griff! He lost to Team SSX when it came to who was going to conquer the nine Deadly Descents first! And now he wants to murder us!"

"Yes I do! Hahaha!" yelled Griff loud enough for the village to hear, but no one did anything. SBK was on their own. On their own with a crazed rocket-powered Nazi gunman.

As the gifts had rapidly teleported from their sacks, their rocket-powered snowboards were gaining speed due to the lighter weight load. While Griff was firing submachine gun bullets at the danger-ridden crew, they launched off of a house roof, taking into the skies once more. Griff soon followed, and started to aim his gun towards the ascending snowboarders.

"I don't think we can take this any more! If he hits us, we're fucked! We must fight back!" exclaimed Jam.

"But we don't have any guns!" replied Wendy. But then, a bird flew past their flying bodies. "Guys, I have an idea!" shouted Tommy. He grabbed the bird by its neck and aimed its anus straight at Griff. Projectile bird shit then rocketed out of the anus, spraying Griff in the face.

Griff licked it off. "Hah! Little do you know that I love a bit of cookies and creme, you bony bastard!" Tommy's feelings were visibly hurt by that comment. When he was a kid, he was made fun of for being fat, which led to over 10 years of anorexia which he still hasn't fully recovered from. Still shaken, Tonny apologized to the bird and set it free. They were about to descend into a city, a huge city with many people. But they mustn't be seen, for Santa's operations are supposed to be done in pure secrecy. So Nancy pressed the invisibility button and they all turned invisible. This made Griff lose sight of them.

"No! No you will not! GAAAAAHHHHHH!" Griff yelled at the sky.

Items were disappearing from SBK's sacks at a breakneck pace, lightening up the weight and increasing their speed exponentially. When Griff descended, he came across an apartment with a bathroom window. He looked into it and saw a woman showering. She was also maturating her pussy with one hand. Griff saw the scene and got hard down there. His erection messed with the direction of his velocity, which sent him careening out of control in the air. People looked at Griff making a scene and pointed their fingers, laughing at the man whose boner ruined his flow.

"No! This will not happen! Gah!" Griff slammed into a tree, hanging on a branch. "...God dammit." muttered Griff frustratedly. "I'm going to kill SBK." Sadly, SBK was many miles ahead of Griff. He had a lot of catching up to do. But they still have many presents, and therefore are going slower than Griff, so catching up is still possible. But there was one problem in Griff's plan: SBK was invisible.

SBK had gotten a large number of houses loaded with presents. After a few minutes, Slash got a call on his phone:

"Santa here. I just updated your list live. You hit all the houses in the city. Good job."

"Thanks." said Slash. "But there's someone following us. He stole a rocket from your shed, and he has a gun."

"...wait, seriously?" said Santa. "Oh shit."

"Yeah." said Slash. "Do you have any idea what to do?"

"Well, you can stay invisible for a little while longer, but the invisibility button has to recharge after a while, removing your cloak. Hopefully you can shake the guy off in that time."

"Alright." said Slash. "We'll see what we can do."

"And what's his name?"

"Griff. Griff Simmons."

"Okay, gotcha."

_Meanwhile, in Santa's house..._

"Dammit!" yelled Santa. "How the fuck did someone follow them?" He slammed a fist on the table. "Nothing is going right this Christmas!" He was completely stuck. He didn't know what to do. All he could do at the moment was put Griff on the Naughty List database.

"Something needs to be done. Griff will pay for this."

Griff got himself off of the tree and went back on his snowboard. "I swear I'll find them. I fucking swear it!" He took off, determined.

SBK launched off of a skyscraper and into a redwood forest. The redwoods were gigantic, which meant that they had to weave through the trees up high like a makeshift slalom course. Nancy looked down at the invisibility button. Its power was running out. "Shit guys, our invisibility cloaks won't hold much longer!"

"Just roll with it." said Tommy. "There's not much else to do."

"Alright." said the rest of the team.

Soon, their bodies were semi-transparent, before the invisibility cloak finally wore off. They didn't care at this point. They had redwoods to dodge! As they were busy with the trees blocking their way towards more holiday cheer, Griff came up behind them and took out his submachine gun. As he proceeded to aim down the sights, an oncoming tree smacked into his arm, freeing the gun from his hand and sending it plummeting to the ground hundreds of feet below. "Fucking god-damned son of a decomposed cunt-licking Christ shit!" said Griff in anguish and emasculation. "I'm unarmed!"

Wendy looked back. "Ha! You're gunless, Griff! Now what can you do?" She looked back and saw a tree coming right at her, which she had dodged in the nick of time.

"I can catch up to you because I don't have any gifts and can therefore go faster than all of you due to less weight!" proclaimed Griff, who had sped up to them, almost catching them. But the forest was thick, and the presents still disappearing from their sacks had lightened up their weight considerably. But the forest was ending soon, so they looked out into an open, snowy field of pure freedom.

"Hah! You think you can get away that easily, can you?" SBK was afraid. Griff was coming to kill them all! But back in the forest, an apple had fallen from the Redwood tree and into Jam's hand. Jam tossed it around in his hand and decided to do what had to be done. So he turned around 180° and aimed the high-speed apple at Griff.

"Eat Marxism, shitheel!" shouted Jam as he threw the apple directly into Griff's face. The apple was obliterated by the impact, and Griff had minor brain damage after. Not only that, but it made his rocket go haywire because of the impact messing with its direction.

"You're not going to win, fuckers! I'm coming for you!" Griff soon went back to full speed and tapped on Jam's shoulder after getting close enough. "You thought I was done, fucker?"

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"No, I fuck YOUR mother! With my dick!"

"Get out of the way, you spoiled little shit."

"'Little?' You're only two years older than me!"

"You're still a spoiled shit!"

This had soon escalated, and the two men started to engage in a fistfight on top of their rocket-powered snowboards. Jam punched Griff in the stomach and used his snowboard to push on Griff's legs. This had caused Griff's right foot to come out of its snowboard binding. Griff lost balance, and he was going to the ground.

"I'm not going to go down without taking you with me!" Griff shouted, and he used his free foot to kick Jam in the shin, which caused his right foot to go free as well. They were both heading towards the ground. Griff hit the ground first. He had an idea. Griff dropped his pants and spread his asscheeks wide open. "Oh my god, I'm so horny! I want a huge thing in my ass right this instant!" moaned Griff. Jam was taking a nosedive, and he was heading straight towards Girff's ass.

"Oh my fucking go-"*SHLORP*

Jam's nose was completely inside of Griff's anus.

"Haha! You didn't consent to the penetration I wanted! I just raped you! Mwahahahahaha!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Jam. "By the gods! My nose was violated!" But he took his protuberant pointed proboscis out of Griff's badly-wiped organ of distaste, got back on his snowboard, and continued to deliver the gifts, although slightly mortified.

Santa called Jam. "Status on Griff?"

"He's not on his board anymore, but he's getting up. We are still in danger." he replied, trying to repress the traumatic moment.

"Damn." said Santa. "We need to stop him."

"We're trying!"

"I know." said Santa. "I'm just saying... FUCK!" and he hung up.

"It'll be a while before he catches up again." said Nancy. "Right now, let's focus on delivering presents. But we have to be careful, because we can't use the invisible button until it's fully charged."

"Alright." said Tommy. "Let's do this shit." So they continued to snowboard and went to more houses. Trying to forget about Griff, they fulfilled the needs of villages, towns, and entire cities in record time. They gave presents to entire states in just a few minutes.

Griff was snowboarding too, bent on finding the group. "I think I might need some outside help." So he drew a swastika in the snow and the ghost of Adolf Hitler came up out of the ground. "Mein Führer?"

"Yes, Griff?"

"I need your help. I need you to give me speed! Give speed to the rocket on my snowboard!"

Ghost Hitler rubbed his chin inquisitively. "Okay. Why do you want me to do this?"

"They're helping Santa Claus!"

Ghost Hitler was mortified. "I will help you! I'll make it my highest priority to thwart that bearded bastard!"

So Griff, with the help of Ghost Hitler, had went triple the speed of what could previously have been achieved with the rocket. Griff rode off into the night with Hitler by his side.

"That's another state down." said Wendy.

"Okay." said the rest.

"Only three more and we can return to the North Pole."

"Yeah."

But Griff was gaining on them, slowly but surely. Soon SBK would have to overcome Griff, and make sure he never comes back. Consequences will be administered to the horrific man, consequences which Griff will never feel the graveness of again in his miserable life.

The remaining three states had been pretty easy. SBK was almost methodical with their present delivery, delivering presents at a pace that no one could argue wasn't pretty damned impressive. When they had finished, they were floating above a lake.

"Alright, let's go back to the North Pole." said Slash. "There's more presents we need to deliver."

"Forgot about me?" asked Griff.

"SHIT!" yelled all of SBK.

"Yeah, I'm back! And I have Hitler!"

"Alright, we need to do something!" yelled Tommy in anxiety.

"Well, what the fuck do we do?" asked Wendy sarcastically.

"Everyone huddle together." said Tommy. "I have an idea."

After Tommy was finished, the team had went to work.

"So Mein Führer, what do we do?"

"We must approach them when they least expect it."

"Alright." So Griff went over to them, because it didn't look like they were expecting it. But they were, as Jam clotheslined him, grabbed him, and threw him over his shoulder, which sent both of them falling into the lake. They had then started to wrestle underwater. After a while, Nancy dove in as well, holding Griff down with her feet and kicking his face periodically. Jam then dragged Griff, kicking and screaming, onto dry land, and took a bunch of sand and rubbed it in his open eyes. Griff screamed louder. Ghost Hitler rubbed his temples and sighed. "This is the kid I tried to help? The kid losing to these chucklefucks?" he said to himself.

Jam and Nancy then looked at each other. "Wanna make Griff's worst nightmare become a reality?" asked Nancy. Jam obliged, knowing exactly what she meant. So they got on the ground, and Nancy got on top of Jam, and they started to make out.

Griff looked at the scene in horror. "Egads! Race-mixing! My greatest enemy!" He and Ghost Hitler looked on in horror as the Anglo-Saxon woman French-kissed the Jamaican-American man passionately. "No, please stop! Sinners! Sinners! You will burn in hell!" Griff held up a crucifix that he had in his pocket, because Griff was a Christian since Christianity and Nazism are the same thing. "Please! Save yourselves! Jesus disapproves of this!" But that only made the couple's romance more intimate.

"Is this okay with you?"

"Oh yes, please!"

Then Jam slid a hand down Nancy's pants and rubbed her vagina. Nancy reciprocated, by rubbing the tip of Jam's penis through his jeans. They both moaned with passion, and spent the rest of their session also looking Griff straight in the eye to make sure he was mortified by their true love, their pure romance.

"Alright, let's go!" yelled the rest of SBK and they all jumped off of their snowboards and beat Griff to a bloody pulp. They were in a circle, kicking and stomping the evil man.

"Get wrecked, shitlord." said the couple as they watched Griff getting lots of fucks beaten out of him. Everyone was certain that he will never fuck with the team again.

"Wait! Don't let him die." replied Nancy.

"Why not?" asked Slash.

"Because," Jam started. "We don't want to sink to his level. Plus, Santa will give him some comeuppance of his own."

"Ah. I see."

So Nancy and Jam stopped making out, and the team took away Griff's snowboard so that he couldn't get on again. They had then went into the lake and swam to their snowboards, which weren't rocketing because the rockets stop when the person gets off. They made sure to go very high to avoid obstacles.

After about 45 minutes, they were back at the North Pole.

"I see your gifts are all gone."

"Yep." said the team.

"So what happened to Griff?"

"He's not gonna be in our hair for much longer." said Nancy. "He's near a lake."

"I know exactly which lake you're talking about." said Santa. He looked at the extra snowboard. "I'm guessing that's Griff's board?"

"Yep."

"Alright. Hang on tight. I've got to go and cross a name off my Naughty list."

Santa took Griff's rocket board and arrived at the lake, and he could see Griff near it, groaning in pain from the beating. Santa alerted Griff to his presence. "Now, Griff. You've been a very naughty boy. Time for some coal." Santa took some coal out of his pocket, coal which was joined together by string, fashioned into makeshift anal beads. He put one coal into Griff's ass. Griff grunted. Then the second. Griff moaned. Then the third, the fourth and the fifth.

"Oh yeah, Santa. Fill my ass with your coal!" moaned Griff.

Soon, all 10 coals were in Griff's ass. "You might like it now, but we haven't gotten to the punishment yet." warned Santa.

"Ungh... punishment?" said Griff in between sounds of passion.

"Yes, punishment. It's coming right about... now." Santa then ripped the coals out of Griff's ass. The coals were so big that it caused Griff's rectum to prolapse. Santa looked at the tube of flesh now hanging from Griff.

Santa looked at it and bit down on it as hard as he could. Griff screamed. Santa bit down even harder and held his teeth on the organ as Griff's cries echoed through the empty night sky, no one around to hear.

Griff was speechless. He could hardly even register the sheer amount of pain that was endured.

"Please... Santa... Stop."

"Alright. I'll un-prolapse your anus." So Santa Claus took his fist and shoved it up Griff's ass at a breakneck speed, turning his rectum back to its original state.

"That's not what I meant, you asshole!"

"Well maybe if you didn't try to kill my helpers, I wouldn't have prolapsed your anus in the first place! And if you didn't resurrect Hitler in order to assist you in doing so, then I wouldn't have bitten down on it!" Santa walked off and got back on Griff's snowboard, back to the North Pole. Griff cried, his tears staining the cold, uncaring ground.

Back at Santa's house, SBK was relaxing. Some of them were watching TV, and others were making hot cocoa. Jam was using steel wool to clean his rape-tainted nose. As they were relaxing, Santa came in the door.

"Well guys, it's safe to say that Griff is done for."

A chorus of "Alright!"s and "Yeah!"s were heard from Team SBK.

"And in a few minutes, you must commence delivering."

"Yes sir." said everyone, knowing that without Griff, this will be a piece of cake.

After those minutes were up, they continued to deliver. And after they made their 2nd delivery, they had made many more deliveries until everyone had their wishes fulfilled. When they had gotten back to the North Pole for the last time, the sun was peeking up from the horizon.

"You're all done! I knew I could count on you! Thank you all."

"You're welcome. Anytime." said the team.

Santa gave them all a batch of cookies to eat. They looked absolutely delicious, with icing, sugar, and chocolate.

"Alright, you go and enjoy yourselves when you get back. I'm gonna go and repair my sleigh so that I can continue operations like normal come next year. See you guys later."

"You too." They had all gotten back to the helicopter, each one with a smile on their face. They went back to their houses and went to sleep, knowing that it was they who had saved Christmas. Well, some of them went to sleep. Others stayed up because they didn't see the point since the sun was already up.

The next day, the snowboarders were all up. In each of their houses, there was a fully-decorated Christmas tree with many presents under it, despite them not even getting a Christmas tree, let alone presents. And next to the tree, there was a note for each team member.

_Thank you so much for saving Christmas. I am eternally grateful. Please take this as a gift of gratitude._

_-Santa Claus_

**MERRY CHRISTMAS**


End file.
